new entry tiiiiime!! i rlly like this format of typing things out instead of writing in a journal. i fell in love w the idea of making cute entries and stuff like all the tiktoks i saw but it was always so much work and felt like a chore. i also felt like i was trying too hard to make it cute. like here, if i don't like something i can just delete it and act like it was never there lol. anyways, i've been trying to make lots of art lately. i've been having fun but i'm scared i'm going to get burnout like i alaways do but we'll see. i recently joined a creative webring which is cool! i also ordered a sample of a t-shirt design i made based off of one of my art pieces so, lot's of exciting things happening! that being said, there's a lot going on that has me upset but i'm trying to stay positive through it all. my life has always seemed to be a big cluster fuck and i feel like i've spent most of it just HOPING things would magically all land in place and work out. needless to say, that hasn't happened. i feel like i've made a lot of process in the past year or so and i think things will hopefully all come together in the way that i've always wanted them to. thank's for tuning into this week's therapy session. c'ya.

cw: emotional abuse, alcahol

hello everyone. it's been a second since i wrote an entry. i've been sick for like the past week but i think everything is okay now? i'm kind of sad tonight. thinking about boys and love, like always. recently my emotional abusers have been making tweets about me. in all fairness i tweeted about them first. drunkenly may i add. i didn't state their names or anything so it could have been about anyone really. i feel like i should be able to tweet about the matter since i'm the victim but whatever. they posted screenshots of some of my tweets, all of which had nothing to do with them. the whole reason this mess even started was because i was "dating" both of them. however, one of them and i started to catch deep feelings for each other and the other got insecure and broke things off. that's when the manipulation and abuse happened. it's a long story that i could go into but i'll spare the details. either way, i'm getting talked about and called a "stalker" which is hilarious since the only thing i've ever done since we broke up was lurk their twitters and try and make up with them a few times but okay. i literally have no want or desire to "stalk" them. i literally just want to be left alone. not only that but there's someone else i'm already in love with so??? lmao. it's stupid. this guy i'm in love with though...sheesh. i hope he doesn't read this because he knows about this site lol. he live's in california which is kind of a problem since i live in kentucky. he goes to school full time and doesn't have a lot of free time on his hands. it's hard because i know the feelings are mutual. i think things would be a lot easier if america had better public transport but that's a whole other conversation. i have some other guys that seem interested in me enough, which is cool i guess. i think i'm just having a hard time because the guy from california is who i really want. i've always wanted things i can't have it seems haha.

ok so real talk, this is like an actual diary entry and not me just rambling about the site lol. if you know me irl you know i deal w depression and anxiety. recently i started taking a medication that i previously took but stopped taking to see if i could find something better. for the most part it's been pretty good. i obviously have my days. today is one of those days lol. i was doing fine up until now (now being almost 12 am est). i just have an overwhelming sense of anxiety. gonna sound kind of silly but i noticed some eye floaters today and have been fixating on them all day and now i'm worried i'm going to go blind in my right eye and it just makes it worse since i'm legally blind in my left eye. i think i've also just been dealing with a lot lately. someone who is no longer in my life posted screenshots of some tweets i made and talked shit about me. which, to be completely fair would be fine if it were not for the things they were saying. so, yeah overall just kinda stressed.

in other news though, things seem to be coming along nicely site wise. i'm having fun figuring the ends and outs of certain things. been doing lot's of research and copy and pasting to get things exactly how i want them lol. also, sorry. i know i said i wasn't gonna talk about the site (oops). anyways i hope everyone reading this is having a nice day. byyyyyyyye!

diary post entry number twooooo. i've been working on this website pretty much everyday tbh. it's really been theraputic in a way for me. i feel like i'm getting out all of my creative juices in a way that doesn't upset me lol. like when i draw i'm constantly getting upset at myself because it's not as perfect as i'd like. but with code it's simply just some fancy words and pixels and i can pretty easily fix it. there's still the erasing and drawing aspect but in a much more digestable way for me...if that makes any sense. i hope all of you reading have been enjoying my website and my little journey making it as much as i have!

this is my first diary post! i'm not rlly gonna talk about much cuz i'm still in the process of coding the rest of the website. i mostly just wanted to make an entry to show off the page and be able to talk about it lol. i'm kinda lost on what other pages i should make and trying to stick with stuff i want and not stuff i think i should have just cuz other people on here have other stuff. idk what would you like on here? maybe i could post some recources for stuff on making your own website? or maybe i could make little tutorials on how i learned? idk so many posibilites and if you know me you know my big brain has a bunch of ideas in it and i can never fully get them out of my head so who know's what'll be on here in the future. but anyways, uhhhh yea! be on the look out for more posts here